Dear gangsters,
How are things? I hope all is well in Malaysia’s underbelly of prostitution, drugs and gambling.
I’ve haven’t had much time to write letters of late, but the news of gun violence of late has me very worried, worried about the reputation of gangsters in Malaysia.
Everyone is upset and scared that there have been over 30 shootings in since April but they seem to forget that only 24 resulted in fatalities. Not to criticize or anything, but that is like a 20% failure rate. Some buses to Genting are more deadly.
Even the Malaysian police has a better record of late. Five out of five is 100% fatality rate! I never though I would see the day when the police is scarier than gangsters. You guys have kinda dropped the ball and let your bad reputation go sour.
We don’t always show up at the crime scene on time, but when we do, we show up early.
You used to be the scary guys, lurking in the shadows, waiting to sell drugs to school children. Nowadays, the teachers are cutting into your business. Although I must say their drugs are a little too sugary sweet.
In fact, you’re not even very secret anymore. Apparently the police know about all 40,313 of you, and they are going to hunt you down. I’m not sure how the police got all your details, but it must be true because it was in the papers.
Perhaps you have a spy in your midst, someone who gave added PDRM to your Facebook group. You should be more careful with technology these days.
But of course, I know you guys are only trying to do the right thing. I bet the shootings were by good gangsters killing bad gangsters. That’s why the PM can come out and announce that crime rates have gone down.
Actually this sounds kind of like a movie that just came out, Kickass 2.
Lady justice wears tights.
I appreciate what you’re doing, but please try to use less conspicuous means of killing people? The government is saying that they want to reinstate the Emergency Ordinance act so they can lock you up without reason, again.
Apparently when it was abolished they had to release 2,600 people which they are very sure are hardcore bad guys, but they cannot keep detained because unless they have a law that allows them to detain without reason.
Because.. um.. law. Law is confusing you know.
Anyway, you don’t wanna go to detention these days. It isn’t like the old days where they keep you there quietly without telling anyone. Nowadays you’ll just wind up dead from unknown causes. Unknown causes among the leading cause of death, did you know?
So next time you feel like killing someone, holster your gun and push them off a building. Or if you feel elaborate, take em out back and blow em up with explosives. Worst case, seven years in prison only. Eating bak kut teh also more dangerous.
Anyway, please be careful, drive slowly, wear your seat belt and pay your road tax. Nowadays there are a lot of roadblocks.
Peace out,
50¢ (RM1.65)
(Formerly RM1.50 but exchange rate very bad these days.)
shortsandslippers 